Boxes, Labels, etc: Making Sense of Our Intimate Lives

*Doors @ 6:30pm, structured discussion 7-9pm, stay and hang out after!! Tickets include a bampot drink ticket, which is good for: a regular tea pot, a pint/can of beer, a 5oz pour of wine, or a bar rail.*

Event description: 

In our intimate lives (i.e., in the part of our lives constituted by our attraction to and connections with others, and how we identify ourselves in relation to these connections and how we feel in and about them) we are often called to label ourselves, and to label our relationships. To do this, we often feel we must put ourselves, our attraction to others, and our relationships into premade “boxes.” This practice of categorizing can help us to make sense of ourselves and communicate who we are and how we understand our relationships with others. But it can also leave us feeling very alienated from ourselves and others too. Has this practice of categorizing helped you, hindered you, or both? How? Why do you think this is? Come talk about it with other queer yappers and listeners at Bampot on October 20th! 

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More thoughts from the facilitator: Appealing to categories in our intimate lives helps us to make sense of who we are attracted to, how we like to express our love, the kinds of relationships we are in, what kinds of things we like in bed, and more. Labelling our experiences of attraction and closeness can be really empowering, and figuring out the “box” our relationship with someone fits into, and then picking a label for it, can help us to ensure that we’re on the same page with them. For example, once we have put a particular relationship into the “romantic” box, we then have a slew of labels that society gives us to draw from (“situationship”, “partner”, “comet”, “fling”, “girlfriend”, etc.). BUT…so many of these pre-made categories come along with a slew of assumptions and expectations that can be hard to undo, and they can leave us feeling really alienated from ourselves and those around us. As soon as we put a label on our identities or experiences of intimacy, we can feel pressure to conform to everything that this label entails for others who use it, or the way that it’s represented in the media we consume or the particular culture we’re immersed in. There have been so many times when this kind of pressure, and the exhaustion that comes from having to explain what I mean by a certain label, have led me to proclaim “fuck labels” and give up. But then, I want to make sense of myself and my experiences. And I also think that sharing who I am with others is an integral part of building intimacy, and it turns out one of the main ways of doing so efficiently is through… figuring out what boxes I fit into and labelling myself accordingly...😴😴😴 But maybe… there’s a way to do all this without appealing to potentially-alienating, premade boxes and labels? Anyways, I suspect some of you might resonate with some of this, and I’d like this event to be a place where we can talk about all of this and more. 

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Some stuff to know about how this works: 

• This event is facilitated by me, Sophia Whicher. I use she/her pronouns, and I’m queer, and yes, for me queerness is deeply political. I’ve been doing stuff like this for a few years and I think I’ve gotten pretty good at making discussion spaces feel safe (but maybe not too comfy), inclusive, and warm. 
• This event is intended to be a queer space, for queer people to build community through discussion.
• No photographs will be taken at this event without the explicit permission of the people in the photographs first.
• You will be rotating between small and large groups, and the aim is for you to have a chance to share and learn about your own and others’ thoughts and feelings about, and experiences with and of, putting ourselves and our close relationships in boxes, and/or labelling them accordingly. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but it will probably be better if most of you come prepared to talk at least a little bit. 
• More accessibility info below :)

Accessibility Info:

• There are four or five steps or a ramp that is (unfortunately) not wheelchair grade to get in. From that entry point, there are no further stairs to the bathroom located beside the bar. 
• The bathroom at Bampot is gender neutral.
• This event involves verbal discussion. There will be a handout with the questions we will be discussing printed on it. 
• There might be some background music before and after, but we’ll try to keep background noise at a minimum during the structured discussions themselves.
• The space is not super scent heavy, but sometimes staff wear scented perfume. 
• Should you be accompanied by a support person, please contact me (c29waHczIHwgZ21haWwgISBjb20=) in advance so that I can add them to the participant list. Their ticket will be included, for free, as part of yours. 
• This list is far from comprehensive. Please reach out to me at c29waHczIHwgZ21haWwgISBjb20= if you have a concern that’s not listed here.