The Dirty Derby

🚦 RACE RULES:

Clean Start: All vibrators will be inspected and sanitized before the race. We know you're wondering — yes, they're new.

No Hands! Once the race begins, no touching, nudging, or blowing on vibrators. Hands off. We mean it.

Track Limits: Vibrators must stay in their designated lanes (unless they’re rebellious and veer off — nature of the beast).

First Across the Line Wins: Whichever vibe crosses the finish line first (fully) is the winner. Tip-to-finish doesn't count.

Malfunction Clause: If your racer just... gives up halfway, them's the breaks. You can cry, but you can’t restart.

Photo Finish: In the event of a close call, the judge’s decision (and cell phone video replay) is final.

Race Entry: Racers may be randomly selected or voted on by the crowd. Your fate is in the hands of horny destiny.

You may also like the following events from 5 Points Tavern:

• This Saturday, 26th July, 05:00 pm, Christmas in July Bar Crawl! in Amherst
• This Sunday, 27th July, 03:00 pm, Beach Glass Art Class in Amherst
• Next Wednesday, 30th July, 09:00 pm, Wednesday Karaoke! in Amherst

Also check out other Sports events in Amherst.