—[Morgan Freeman Deep trailer voice]—
In a quiet corner of Ypsilanti…
where the coffee is strong, the Smeet is sleeping,
and people can still say “soda” without judgment...
one man receives a call he can’t ignore.
-Cue dramatic drum hit.-
Moe Gorski.
Landscape mastermind. Project whisperer. Veteran of a thousand muddy job sites.
Now, he faces his greatest challenge yet:
Relocating to Illinois.
Montage: a U-Haul door slams shut in slow motion. A GPS reroutes. A tearful goodbye to the 734 area code.
Narrator:
“They told him the land was flat. The pizza was deep.
The taxes — deeper.”
Cut to: Moe squinting at a highway sign that says “Toll Plaza — 6 Miles”
as thunder rumbles in the distance.
Narrator (continued):
“Armed with nothing but grit, caffeine, and questionable decision-making,
he sets out on a one-way mission to the Land of Lincoln —
where logic goes to die and everything is called ‘Chicago-style.’”
But before the corn claims him…
there’s one final night.
One last gathering of the Ypsi faithful.
An evening of laughter, drinks, nostalgia, and bad Illinois jokes.
(Because what else is there to do in Illinois?)
🎤 FEATURING:
Live reenactments of Moe trying to parallel park a U-Haul
Dramatic readings of Michigan road rage
Guest appearances by potholes, raccoons, and regret
👕 Dress Code: Michigan casual — Carhartt optional, flannel encouraged.
🍕 Catering: Not deep dish. Out of principle.
💥 Tagline: “He’s going where no sane Michigander goes voluntarily.”
JOIN THE MISSION.
Say goodbye before he crosses into enemy territory.
Because once he’s in Illinois… cell service may never be the same.
🎬 CREDITS
Starring:
Moe Gorski as Himself — The Reluctant Hero with a U-Haul and no plan
Mani Brito as The Voice of Reason
Illinois as The Villain — The Flat Menace
Ypsilanti as The Loyal Hometown
The U-Haul as The Unpaid Intern
Deep Dish Pizza as “Absolutely Not”
Special Appearance: The I-94 Toll Booth Collective
Written, Directed, and Poorly Planned By: Moe Gorski
Produced by: Panic, Caffeine, and Questionable Timing
Soundtrack by: The Wind That Never Stops Blowing (Illinois Remix)
Also check out other Entertainment events in Ypsilanti, Contests in Ypsilanti, Performances in Ypsilanti.
