THE HARDEST PART OF MARRIAGE YOU WON’T BE TOLD
Marriage is beautiful when viewed from afar. You see the smiles of couples celebrating anniversaries, the display of affection between newlyweds, and the glamour of grand weddings, and you think, “I want this.” But when you step into marriage, you quickly realize that what is behind number six is more than number seven — there is far more depth and responsibility than meets the eye.
Many prepare so well for the romantic aspects of marriage but fail to prepare for the realities of it. The truth is this: the hardest parts of marriage play a more dominant role in sustaining a union than the romantic moments ever will.
Romance can ignite love, but what breaks most marriages is not the absence of romance; it is the couple’s inability to withstand the hardest parts of marriage.
Below are five of the hardest aspects of marriage that many people will not tell you, but you must prepare for if you want a lasting and fulfilling marriage:
1. STAYING FAITHFUL
Faithfulness in marriage goes beyond promises made on the wedding day; it requires discipline, intentionality, and spiritual maturity.
It’s often easier to abstain from sex when single if you have never experienced it, but after marriage, remaining faithful becomes a real test when intimacy is denied without cause. Temptations become louder when you know how sex feels, and others outside your marriage are willing to give what you lack at home.
Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
In today’s world, where infidelity is normalized, staying faithful requires more than love; it requires a deep reverence for God, commitment to your spouse, and control over your desires.
If you lack self-control while single, marriage will not automatically fix it.
If you are easily enticed now, the wedding ring will not make you disciplined.
Marriage does not cure adultery; a renewed mind, self-control, and fear of God do.
Proverbs 5:18 says, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth.”
True joy comes from valuing the one you’ve committed to and resisting the temporary pleasures that can destroy a covenant.
2. SEXUAL ISSUES
Sex is God’s gift to marriage, created to strengthen intimacy, but when mishandled, it can become a source of frustration and division between couples.
Sometimes, one spouse has a high desire for intimacy while the other can go weeks or months without it. One partner may be inexperienced, while the other is far more knowledgeable. Without open communication, patience, and mutual understanding, these differences can create rejection, resentment, and even temptations outside the marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 says, “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband… Do not deprive one another except with consent.”
Virginity before marriage is a blessing, not a burden. It protects you from premature exposure, distorted desires, and unrealistic expectations. But even for those with past experiences, sexual discipline and learning together as a couple are key.
Discuss your needs openly and without shame.
Be patient with each other’s differences in desire.
Never use sex as a weapon of manipulation or punishment.
Sex is not merely a physical act; it is a spiritual bond and covenant. When handled with love, patience, and respect, it strengthens the unity of marriage.
3. MONEY MATTERS
Money is one of the most sensitive and divisive issues in marriage. It can build a home or tear it apart, depending on how couples manage it.
Ecclesiastes 10:19 says, “Money answers everything.” While it can make life easier, poor financial management can destroy the strongest relationships.
Before and during marriage, couples must discuss their views about money:
Do you see finances as “ours” or “mine”?
Are you financially transparent, or do you hide incomes, debts, and assets?
Are you ready to plan budgets together and live within agreed limits?
Do you secretly build wealth while depending on your spouse’s income?
Some women adopt the mentality, “My money is mine, but your money is ours,” while some men refuse to work hard yet insist on controlling household spending. Both extremes weaken trust and breed resentment.
Proverbs 21:5 says, “The plans of the diligent lead surely to plenty, but those of everyone who is hasty surely to poverty.”
Financial unity is not about who earns more but about building trust, planning wisely, and working as a team. When couples communicate openly about money, they avoid suspicion and create peace in the home.
4. UNMET EXPECTATIONS
Unrealistic expectations silently destroy marriages. Many go into marriage with pictures painted by movies, social media, or cultural assumptions, only to meet a different reality.
If you imagined your wife would remain slim forever, but pregnancy changes her body, can you still love her the same way?
If you believed your husband would always be available and romantic, but his work requires long absences, can you adjust?
If you expected daily excitement, but routines take over, will your commitment remain?
Philippians 4:12-13 says, “I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content… I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
Marriage demands flexibility, grace, and acceptance. If you hold on to unrealistic expectations, disappointment and frustration are inevitable. Couples should:
Discuss expectations openly before marriage.
Revisit them during marriage as life changes occur.
Prepare for storms just as much as sunshine.
Life will bring change — pregnancies, career transitions, financial challenges, and even health issues. Maturity and adaptability are what keep a marriage strong when seasons shift.
5. HANDLING DIFFERENCES
Every marriage involves two different individuals with different personalities, backgrounds, values, and habits. Differences are inevitable, but what determines the success of a marriage is how couples handle those differences.
Amos 3:3 asks, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” Agreement does not mean uniformity; it means learning to compromise without losing respect for one another.
If he presses toothpaste from the middle and you prefer from the base, can you overlook it?
If she likes her food cold and you prefer it hot, can you adjust?
If your upbringings and habits clash, can you find common ground without forcing change?
When differences are mishandled, they lead to frustration, resentment, and in many cases, divorce. But when handled with love, humility, and patience, differences can strengthen intimacy and deepen understanding.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Wedding ceremonies are exciting, but marriage is a lifetime journey. Beyond the glamour, there are storms, trials, and tests that require preparation.
Matthew 7:24-25 says, “The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew… but the house built on the rock stood firm.”
To build a marriage that lasts, prepare your heart, mind, and spirit for challenges such as:
Delay in childbearing
Financial crises
Job loss or relocation
In-law conflicts
Spiritual battles and testing seasons
Finding the right person is hard, but staying married takes greater strength, grace, and intentionality. Prepare not just for the romance but for the realities.
When the winds blow and the floods rise, your marriage will stand if it is built on understanding, discipline, patience, and God’s foundation.
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