The Dirty Derby
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🚦 RACE RULES:
Clean Start: All vibrators will be inspected and sanitized before the race. We know you're wondering — yes, they're new.
No Hands! Once the race begins, no touching, nudging, or blowing on vibrators. Hands off. We mean it.
Track Limits: Vibrators must stay in their designated lanes (unless they’re rebellious and veer off — nature of the beast).
First Across the Line Wins: Whichever vibe crosses the finish line first (fully) is the winner. Tip-to-finish doesn't count.
Malfunction Clause: If your racer just... gives up halfway, them's the breaks. You can cry, but you can’t restart.
Photo Finish: In the event of a close call, the judge’s decision (and cell phone video replay) is final.
Race Entry: Racers may be randomly selected or voted on by the crowd. Your fate is in the hands of horny destiny.
Clean Start: All vibrators will be inspected and sanitized before the race. We know you're wondering — yes, they're new.
No Hands! Once the race begins, no touching, nudging, or blowing on vibrators. Hands off. We mean it.
Track Limits: Vibrators must stay in their designated lanes (unless they’re rebellious and veer off — nature of the beast).
First Across the Line Wins: Whichever vibe crosses the finish line first (fully) is the winner. Tip-to-finish doesn't count.
Malfunction Clause: If your racer just... gives up halfway, them's the breaks. You can cry, but you can’t restart.
Photo Finish: In the event of a close call, the judge’s decision (and cell phone video replay) is final.
Race Entry: Racers may be randomly selected or voted on by the crowd. Your fate is in the hands of horny destiny.
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