“Hear ye, hear ye! Let it be proclaimed across valley, village, and distant hillside that upon the twenty-fifth day of the Tenth Moon, in the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Twenty-Five, the grounds of Wayward Lane shall once more tremble beneath the might of flying gourds, for the Third Annual Pumpkin Chunkin’ shall commence!
Presiding over this most sacred artillery of autumn is none other than Erik — Lord of the Launch, Keeper of the Counterweight, and First Chair of the Order of Trajectory, whose trebuchet has been reforged with even greater recklessness and ambition. At the striking of the Second Bell (known in common tongue as 2 PM), he shall awaken the great engine of hurling, and pumpkins shall be sent skyward in feats of such majesty that even the crows shall scatter in awe. Those who seek glory must arrive early to inscribe their names upon the Ledger of Launching, for once the pumpkins are spent, so too is thy chance at immortality!
Let it also be known that sustenance for warriors and spectators alike shall be provided by The Dumpling Wagon, henceforth honored as The Dumpling Cart of Endless Steam, and by Down N’ Dirty Burgers, duly decreed The House of Ground Beef & Smoked Glory, that no soul may faint for lack of dumpling or patty whilst chaos unfolds.
In tandem with these noble trials of distance and destruction shall run The Great Contest of Altered Appearance, wherein citizens of all ranks are commanded to disguise themselves in garments of terror, trickery, or utter confusion. From these costumed combatants, champions shall be chosen and awarded spoils befitting their audacity. Prizes shall be bestowed for both Finest Disguise and Furthest Launched Pumpkin, for strength of arm and strength of imagination are held equal in this realm.
Thus is it spoken. Thus must it occur. Let the pumpkins fly and the people bear witness.” 🎺🎃
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