SHARPEN YOUR NIPPLES, IT'S TIME TO JUMP IN THE LAKE.
You are cordially invited to the annual godforsaken screaming dogpaddle of frozen gonads that is my greatest and only contribution to humanity: Polar Plunge 2025.
For the 13th year in a row, we are cleansing the metaphorical timeline with a delightfully crisp and refreshing flail through the turbid waters of beautiful Lake Lewisville.
Yeah, I don't know how it has been going on for this long either. What kind of middle aged weirdo does the same thing for 13 goddamned years in a row? That's a rhetorical question, you don't have to actually answer that.
Will jumping in a lake fix all the things wrong with the planet that we're stuck on? Of course not. But what it will do is narrow your world to a tiny sphere of cold, screaming, and thrashing, from which you will emerge triumphant, shivering, and possibly incoherent. What you do after that is up to you. What you probably shouldn't do is get hypothermia. Nobody can afford hypothermia in this economy.
OTHER IMPORTANT QUESTIONS:
Q: This sounds terrible.
A: THAT'S NOT A QUESTION.
Q: This sounds terrible, why would you even consider it?
A: It is terrible, but so is everything else right now, and at least if you jump in the lake, you will be screaming with a group in the fresh air, and not alone into the void.
Q: Who is this Beelze and is she even relevant if she doesn't know how to skate any more?
A: I don't know, man. I ask myself that every day.
Q: How is the water? Is it cold?
A: Unlike me, the water level at Lake Lewisville is currently stable and normal. Like me, it is murky and somewhat chilly.
Q: What if it's raining?
A: Then we are pre-moistened and ready for swimming.
Q: Do we really have to swim to shore?
A: If you can find someone to drag you instead, that's cool too.
Q: Is it free?
A: No, you have to pay $5 to the parking gods, or you have to park outside the park gate and walk a quarter mile while shivering.
Q: I don't actually know you, can I still come?
A: Everyone's invited, but please don't drown at your first Bad Idea. Or any subsequent Bad Ideas, actually. Don't drown at all, ever. Thanks.
Also check out other Sports events in Lake Dallas, Workshops in Lake Dallas.
